20 & Sober

Now that I’ve got your attention I’m going to tell you a little about myself so you can better understand the title that I’m sure has you begging for answers. Am I right or am I right?

Alright, so basically I had a shitty childhood. It wasn’t always terrible though. The first half of my life was great. Like really great. I had two parents that loved me and were still together. My huge, crazy, loud family was all under one roof. All of that changed in the blink of my little nine year old eye. I lost my cousin at a young age, my dad left just a few months later, five years after that my brother passed away. That’s what really got me.

I started drinking and getting high to dull the constant ache until eventually I didn’t even know what day of the week it was. Okay, that’s a little dramatic but I think it got my point across well. I treated my friends terribly and my family even worse. I didn’t respect myself. I was depressed and had multiple anxiety attacks a day. I had friends that didn’t care about my well-being and only wanted to be around me when I had something they wanted. Drugs. Alcohol. Pills. Molly. Shrooms. You name it. I had it and they wanted it.

My family got a cabin in Leavenworth for Christmas in 2013 and that’s when I hit rock bottom. Rock bottom is a dark and lonely place. It was the first time in nearly a year that all of my family was in one place and I couldn’t stop being a bitch long enough to enjoy their company. My only concern was getting loaded. All week my family begged me to go to treatment and I completely blew it off. Eventually, I got so sick of listening to them bitch and agreed to go. But not to get sober. Just to shut them up.

I admitted myself into Lakeside-Milam Recovery Center on January 14th and I haven’t looked back. Who I am today is a completely different person than I was while in active addiction. I’m happy to have that part of my life behind me and in the past. I’m grateful for God’s grace and for His forgiveness. Through recovery I have met amazing lifelong friends that I never would have met otherwise and I have countless sober memories to drown out my party memories.

Today, I get to go out with my friends and remember what I did the night before when I wake up in the morning. I never have to endure another hangover.

Today, I get to laugh and smile simply because life is wonderful. Not just a few giggles here and there or halfhearted smiles. I mean smiles that reach your eyes and laughs that have you rolling on the ground with tears streaming down your face.

Today, I get to have a relationship with my beautiful nieces and nephew and watch them grow up.

Today, I am happy. I am blessed.

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6 thoughts on “20 & Sober

  1. Glad to have found your blog, and congratulations on your sobriety. I entered rehab on January 5 and likewise emerged a new person. It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. I look forward to reading more from you.

    Like

  2. An honest and inspirational post to all those who are struggling with addiction. Many congratulations to you for getting your life back. Stay proud of yourself and lots of good luck and love to you, Janey xx

    Liked by 1 person

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