16 months already??? 

I’ve been pretty MIA lately. Work and school are really doing a good job at making sure I have no free time. 

This post is going to be short and sweet because somehow it is already midnight and I have class in the morning. 

I just wanted to share with you all real quick that on Wednesday the 13th I celebrated 16 MONTHS SOBER!!!!! How awesome is that! Sobriety is so amazing and while I know that a year and four months really isn’t that long compared to my entire 20 years on earth, I still couldn’t be more proud of myself and the entirely new person I have become. 

Life is so wonderful. 

I wanna tell you guys a little about what I’ve been up to lately! I recently modeled in my first photoshoot and it was, of course, a blast!! We have decided to submit three of the photos to magazines which I’m very very excited about! I’ll attach a couple photos from the shoot below for you guys!! 

This ended up longer than I intended, oops. 

Xoxo, lain. 

   

 

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God is so good! 

Yesterday was full of mixed emotions. My mother and I successfully got my best friend into treatment. I ran him around all day to gather up what little amount of clothes he had at friends houses and then we all are one last family dinner before he had to leave. He hopped on a plane to Florida at 12:30 last night and arrived a few hours ago. I’m so grateful that when people need help, they come to me. All I want is to help people get second chances like I was given. 

Words can’t begin to express how proud and blessed I feel right now. I’m so excited to see him grow as a person and become who God intended for him to be. 

I’m blessed that he has asked me to come visit for his family weekend.

I’m blessed that I have an amazing, supportive family to share with him. 

I am so blessed. 

I hope you all are having an equally wonderful day. 

Your life is a blessing!

God is testing me these last few days. I’m going to school full time, I have no job, I’m helping a friend get back into treatment, and to top it all off, I just found out today that another friend of mine has relapsed. It’s crazy how one day life can be so great and you aren’t worried about anything and then the next day it’s as if your life has literally been turned upside down and you’re struggling to find any good in your life. Days like today are crucial to my recovery. Prayer and mediation are my saving grace on days like today. 

There’s so much good in my life. I’m clean. Today  I get to celebrate 453 days without a drug or a single drop of alcohol in my system. That’s the greatest gift of all. I just want to say that if you’re ever feeling down, search for positive things. Sometimes they’re not going to be lit up on a huge sign. You may have to really dig deep and search within your soul to find the good. I promise you will find it. Take time for yourself and count your blessings. Not just when times are tough, but also when life is great. Your life is a blessing. 

Debunked

I could go on and on for hours about the misconceptions of addicts and addiction. I won’t, but don’t doubt that I could. You may be one of the people I’m referring to and you don’t even realize it because a lot of these things are so widely thought about. Addicts face a lot of criticism and judgement every day, not just active users but us in recovery as well. Let’s delve into the world of addiction and debunk, in my opinion, the most common myths.

“Addiction isn’t a disease.

This assumption makes me absolutely bonkers. Addiction is chronic, meaning that it will never go away. Once an addict, always an addict. Like a disease such as cancer, an addict can go into remission after a substantial amount of clean time but relapse will always be possible without recovery and medication. What would happen if someone suffers from a heart disease but they refuse to take the necessary steps to treat their disease? They die, right? Well same goes for addicts.

“Addicts lack willpower.”

Getting clean and sober is not a matter of willpower. I cannot stress that enough. Nobody wakes up one morning as a child and says, “When I grow up I wanna shoot dope and ruin my life.” That shit just doesn’t happen and if you think that you are, in my opinion, the lowest kind of person. If it were lack of willpower, the world wouldn’t have addicts. We would all just use regularly like normal people that don’t have an addictive gene.

“If your parent is an addict, you must be too.”

FAAAALSE. Yes, it is genetic. No, you’re not automatically an addict just because one or both of your parents have an addictive gene. Although if one of your parents is an addict you’re eight times more likely to also be an addict. And if that person happens to be your mother, it’s DOUBLE that. Sometimes, addiction skips generations and it’s totally random. I have three sisters and a brother. I share a mother with two of my sisters and their father is an addict, so is our mother. I share a father with my brother and other sister, their mother and our father are both addicts. Only three of us are addicts. You never truly know who it could be. If your parents are addicts, simply be careful until you see characteristics of an addict.

I hope I’ve done a good job at clearing up a few of the most common myths about addicts/addiction. But more than that, I hope it opened your eyes to how much judgment addicts get. We’re not all lazy, homeless and begging for your money on street corners, and we’re not all waiting for you to walk away so we can raid your purse. Sure, there are definitely addicts out there like that but it’s unfair to generalize an entire group of people like that. Addicts still have morals and feelings. Keep that in mind when and if you have to deal with an addict.

20 & Sober

Now that I’ve got your attention I’m going to tell you a little about myself so you can better understand the title that I’m sure has you begging for answers. Am I right or am I right?

Alright, so basically I had a shitty childhood. It wasn’t always terrible though. The first half of my life was great. Like really great. I had two parents that loved me and were still together. My huge, crazy, loud family was all under one roof. All of that changed in the blink of my little nine year old eye. I lost my cousin at a young age, my dad left just a few months later, five years after that my brother passed away. That’s what really got me.

I started drinking and getting high to dull the constant ache until eventually I didn’t even know what day of the week it was. Okay, that’s a little dramatic but I think it got my point across well. I treated my friends terribly and my family even worse. I didn’t respect myself. I was depressed and had multiple anxiety attacks a day. I had friends that didn’t care about my well-being and only wanted to be around me when I had something they wanted. Drugs. Alcohol. Pills. Molly. Shrooms. You name it. I had it and they wanted it.

My family got a cabin in Leavenworth for Christmas in 2013 and that’s when I hit rock bottom. Rock bottom is a dark and lonely place. It was the first time in nearly a year that all of my family was in one place and I couldn’t stop being a bitch long enough to enjoy their company. My only concern was getting loaded. All week my family begged me to go to treatment and I completely blew it off. Eventually, I got so sick of listening to them bitch and agreed to go. But not to get sober. Just to shut them up.

I admitted myself into Lakeside-Milam Recovery Center on January 14th and I haven’t looked back. Who I am today is a completely different person than I was while in active addiction. I’m happy to have that part of my life behind me and in the past. I’m grateful for God’s grace and for His forgiveness. Through recovery I have met amazing lifelong friends that I never would have met otherwise and I have countless sober memories to drown out my party memories.

Today, I get to go out with my friends and remember what I did the night before when I wake up in the morning. I never have to endure another hangover.

Today, I get to laugh and smile simply because life is wonderful. Not just a few giggles here and there or halfhearted smiles. I mean smiles that reach your eyes and laughs that have you rolling on the ground with tears streaming down your face.

Today, I get to have a relationship with my beautiful nieces and nephew and watch them grow up.

Today, I am happy. I am blessed.